The Letters I Sent
by SweetTarts4U
Summary: Naru has moved to London, back to his family. Mai has become depressed. After a month she decides to try and write Naru a letter. May have some romance involved, am not sure yet. Rated T for... I'm not really sure yet. Dark Mai. Naru a little out of character.
1. Mai's Letter

_The Letters I Sent_

Naru.

Always so serious. Why can't you stop worrying about everything every once in a while? Worrying just makes you forget about the fun and happy moments in life.

But, it isn't really my place to say such things. You don't open up to anyone. Don't tell us about your problems are or what's troubling you. So I can't understand. But, maybe you can understand me: since you left I feel...empty. Invisible. I am not myself anymore.

Why am I telling _you_ about this?

I like to look at us as friends, but when I think about it: We are always a little to far apart. Like a wall is between us. It seems like it's impossible to tear it down. I am the blockade, am I not? I fear that it will just break apart and fall to pieces. Tokyo to London just wouldn't work out, I would break.

You might have noticed that i regret words after I say them. To be honest, even writing this letter is hard for me.  
Feelings are complex, you can't put them into words...

Sometimes I wish I were different. Like Masako maybe. So confident. I feel kind of depressed now. For me it is hard to appreciate my good points, I don't feel like they are that special. I mean you for example: confident, smart, strong emotional and physical, and although you show of with it, you appreciate your good looks to a very high degree.

What do I have? I'm outgoing. That's all. I'm silly, clumsy, am always in the way and maybe you are right, maybe I am an idiot.

I'm nothing special, really.

I'm starting to sound so serious, just like you Naru, eh? Only that you are normally serious.  
I'm just lonely.

That isn't me! Cheer up Mai!

But, it's hard to cheer up yourself when you are in total darkness and even your shadow has left you.  
I am no cat. I can't see in the dark. I'm afraid.

Naru, I am desperately calling for help. Why aren't you coming?

Why aren't you_ here?_

_I do not own Ghost Hunt._


	2. Naru's Reply

_The Letters I Sent_

Mai.

What has happened to make you like this? I was surprised when I got your letter and felt utterly horrible after reading it. I did tell you a few days before I left that I was returning to London. I understand that you might feel sad about the fact that we left, but you should know I'm not really the right person to go to for comforting.

I am also not very good with understanding people. You know that.

It hurt to read what you wrote. I regret leaving you there without a appropriate warning. It is probably my fault you are feeling like this, if I understood you right. So, I will try to be as open as I can. Mai, you are not a stupid person. You just do stupid things, like we all do. Yes, even me.

You are special in your own way. So hyper that I sometimes couldn't keep up with you. Just think about it. No, I am not just telling you this because I feel bad, but also as a friend. There is nothing wrong with being who you are.

Mai is Mai, Masako is Masako. I am me, with my "good looks" as you wrote (just good?). It's not how you are _alike_, it's how you are _different_. There is just one Mai Taniyama and she is the one and only.

There is no such thing as being perfect, you have to appreciate who you are and work on your flaws.

I'm no light, Mai. I am not perfect like that. I wish I could help you... I felt lonely after my brother died. It hurt. It hurt so much. You should know how it feels, from the time that your mother died. All you can do is move on. Step by step. Deal with your life and look forward to tomorrow.

Loneliness is a horrible thing. Just like darkness. But Mai, don't give in. A light always comes, even if I can not be that light I hope it helped at least a little.

I'm sorry I'm on the other side of the world.

But still, I hope you_ always_ find a reason to smile.

_I do not own Ghost Hunt_


	3. Save Me

_The Letters I Sent_

Naru.

I didn't actually think you would reply, this is a little unexpected. I'm sorry I doubted you. Over time it seems like I forgot who you are, how you would react, not like I could ever read you in the first place. Darkness sure is a horrible thing. I guess i really am lost now, forgetting all of these things that I have come to enjoy and love.

That's how it is. When what you love get's taken away from you, you crash back in to reality. It was nice. All those times the S.P.R would protect me from reality, but it just made me hit the ground harder...  
I wonder what would have happened if you hadn't called after the case at my old school house.

Naru. I miss you. Not only you, but everyone. They all went back to their normal lives a while after you left. Don't they _care_? Don't they want to at least hold on to the memories?

I know you aren't the best person to go to, but you are the only on I _can_ go to. I know I cannot make you understand. But, I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself. The one thing i know is that you are listening. You aren't _here_, but you are_ listening_.

School has been hell for me. I wish they would leave me alone. Always asking if I am cutting myself or taking drugs. Why do they ask that kind of stuff? I mean, even the people I considered my friends!  
Just because I cry!?  
Doesn't everyone cry? Naru?

So, the last few days I would be running around, faking smiles. It seems like they will leave me alone if I do that. I don't feel like I'm living anymore, just surviving.

Naru. Why is the world so horrible?  
Can't you just come back and do what you use to, just one more time?

Please, just do it one more time. Save me.

_I do not own Ghost Hunt_


	4. Just don't care

_The Letters I Sent_

Mai.

I am not trying to make you upset. I trust you not to make foolish decisions like that. But, when anything that could harm you (razor, pills, knife etc.) is whispering your name, know that I will be yelling your name as loud as I can, from here, hoping you will hear me (although I should know you won't) because _I care _and I don't want you to harm yourself, _ever_.

Crying is alright. People don't cry because they are weak, it's because they have been strong for to long.  
Mai, I normally wouldn't tell you this but, I locked myself up in my room and cried after Gene's funeral.  
Sometimes, no matter what you do, you just can't take it anymore. It's how we humans function.

Mai, you didn't use to care what other people thought of you, so why even start? Don't be afraid of their option of you. Many think I'm a jerk (you told me often enough).  
Did I react? No.  
Take the risk, and be yourself.  
If you win, your classmates will treat you normal and you don't have to mask what you feel.  
If you lose, ignore them and move on. They don't depend on you, so you shouldn't be depending on them.

Your so called friends aren't much better either. The only people worthy to be in your life are the ones that help you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass.

Mai, why don't you try getting in contact with the others once more? I bet they didn't mean to disappear like that, just like I didn't mean to just suddenly leave.

For once, listen to me. Please.

_I do not own Ghost Hunt_


	5. Dear Masako

_The Letters I Sent_

Masako.

This is kind of awkward, considering that we never really were real close. I just don't feel ready to write the others. I feel betrayed by them.  
How have you been? Sometimes I see you on TV now and then. It's pretty weird to see someone you know on TV, but your a good idol I must say. Professional.

Well, it's not like I expected anything else then that, by the way Naru had so much faith in you...  
Have you stayed in contact with him or anyone else out of the S.P.R?

Okay, i going to stop messing around. I need a girls option. A girl friend that can help me and can see the things from my view. I mean, he's really trying, I can see that, but he isn't a girl. You know what i mean?

I hope you can consider my request and we can become friends. You know, if we would have had more time I'm pretty sure that we would have become friends.  
I know that you normally don't ask and that freindship comes naturally, but I just wanted to tell you what I hoped and all.

So... with that done... what's your favorite song?

*Awkward...*

Sorry.

It would be great if you could send me a reply.

Mai.

_I do not own Ghost Hunt_


	6. Quality-become-friends-time

_The Letters I Sent_

Mai.

I must say, I was surprised to hear from you! Not in a bad way though.  
If there hadn't been this "problem" I am sure we would have become friends at one point.

Mai, you don't have to tell me I'm great. I already know that. Now don't say anything about my ego, it's practically a requirement as an idol. You should be very confident of yourself or the media and critics are going to tear you apart.

I haven't seen _him_ around for a while, although that is not surprising.  
Always doing his own thing. But, I assume you have contact with him? It sounded like it.  
Sometimes I see John around the church I normally drive past on the way to the studio. A shortcut leads right past it. When I have time we talk for a while.  
He misses everyone.

So, what is this problem? I'll be here to listen. We've got some quality-become-friends-time to catch up.

Don't worry, I won't disappear like everyone else did (although, I'm sure they didn't mean to and miss you) . I know when I should just sit and listen.

Masako.

P.S. My favorite song is Lights by Ellie Goulding

_I do not own Ghost Hunt_


End file.
